CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY

How to Solve Family problems the Bible way! United Press International recently reported that in Bloemfontein, South Africa, a man built a wall through the middle of the house and told his wife to stay on the other side. This is the kind of wall which one cannot break through physically. But many people have built walls which cannot be seen, but which prevent people from communicating emotionally and spiritually. The statement of the Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:2, which states: "Bear you one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ", must certainly include the family relationships, but only when we are in an authentic dialogue will we know the burdens that others bear. Only when we are willing to reveal our burdens, only when we are truly sensitive to the burdens of others, only in a relationship of genuine openness can we "Fulfill the law of Christ". It is a truism that you cannot really love another person unless you know that person's needs and help fill those needs. Yet, too often people fail to reveal their needs to members of their own family. Too often, others are not listening with sufficient attention to notice the needs of others. It is not always wise to "smooth things over". There are worse situations than conflict: hidden resentments are worse; silent bitterness is worse; hypocrisy is worse. When the Apostle Paul had a grievance against Peter, he "withstood him to the face" (Galatians 2:11-14). More face-to-face frankness in the right spirit would help many a parent-child relationship and many a marriage. In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus said that a person who has been wronged should go to the one who offended him and discuss the matter directly. Surely, this must apply to the family as well as to other human relationships. When your child, your parent, or your marriage partner does bring a grievance, try to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). Allow the other person to express fully whatever he feels. Too often, we cut each other off and give hasty advice. Too often, we resent hearing about grievances. When we are "slow to hear and quick to speak", we reverse the Biblical teaching and we disobey God. Have we thought, instead, of listening lovingly as part of our Christian way of life? When James wrote "confess your faults one to another" (James 5:16), there is little doubt that he included all Christian relationships. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, should be able to express their weaknesses to each other. A life of pretense can be an unbearable burden. Besides, those closest to us usually know our strengths and weaknesses anyway. It helps when we ourselves are frank about them. Honesty and courage about acknowledging your faults will encourage others in the family both to understand you better and to talk freely about their shortcomings. In this sharing, we learn to love and help each other more beautifully than in a "closed circuit" situation. In Ephesians 4, we are exhorted to "be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you Part of forgiveness, and part of genuine dialogue involves acceptance. The Father of the prodigal son accepted his boy completely, compassionately, joyfully. He expressed unconditional love. In true family dialogue, we do not expect perfection in the other, even as we know we are not perfect. Rather, we receive the other with sympathy and unconditional love. When a person finds that he is accepted, he is able to grow into an increasingly meaningful and strengthening dialogue. So do not allow a wall to be built inside your house. Share your real feelings. Share your burdens. Share your needs. And share the emotions and burdens of everyone in your family. In doing so, you will build a family circle which cannot be broken. Click Your Choice Back to START What foundation is you home built upon? Our Lord frequently taught lessons of a moral and spiritual nature by the use of parables. One such lesson is found at the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount, recorded in Matthew, Chapter seven. He began with these words: "Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock: And the descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And everyone that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell'- and great was the fall of it." That's verses 24-27. Jesus says that life is a process of building. If it stands the test of time and is able to weather the storms, it must be built on a solid foundation. Jesus Christ is that foundation according to I Corinthians 3:11. In addition to a good foundation, quality materials, ingredients and workmanship must go into the building of a good life. Let's briefly consider some of these. The first ingredient is strong faith or trust in God. The Christian life has its beginning and conclusion in faith. Paul wrote in Romans 1:17: "For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: and as it is written, The just shall live by faith." The writer of the book of Hebrews put it this way: "But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." Hebrews 11:6. Of course the message must be first firmly implanted in our hearts. It is said of the late Nikita Kruschev that he memorized the New Testament in its entirety. But, he admitted he did it for no reason whatsoever. Someone once observed: "He knew the book from A to Z His mind had mastered every part. A fine achievement, but alas! It never got into his heart." Unless the gospel message, by faith, permeates our hearts, it will be of no benefit to us. The second ingredient essential for good building is honesty. The Bible admonishes us to "provide things honest in the sight of all men". Romans 12:17. The story is told of a wealthy man who employed his brother-in-law to build him a house. He explained that he and his family intended to travel to Europe for the summer. While there, he wanted this dream house built. The brother in-law agreed and set to work. As the building progressed, he decided to cut corners here and there by using inferior materials wherever he could cover them up. After all, the rich man would never know the difference. In time the summer ended and the house was completed. The wealthy man returned home. Immediately he was taken out to the building site to look over the new house. After examining it carefully and admiring its elegance at some length, he said to the builder: "I'll tell you, it's lovely. In fact, you have done such a marvelous job that I'm just going to give it to you." You can imagine the dejected feeling of the brother-in-law when he knew that inferior workmanship as well as -inferior materials had gone into the house. The Bible says: "And be sure your sins will find you out." Numbers 32:23. How true that is! Eventually somebody will discover our dishonesty to our embarrassment. If not here, then in the hereafter. Honesty always pays because God always knows. A third ingredient for building a good life is moral purity. Those of us who have lived during the decade of the fifties until the seventies have watched the pendulum of moral values swing all the way into the gutter. Pre-marital and extra-marital sex have become common place. People take trips on narcotics and alcoholic beverages until they are void of reality. Massage parlors, pornographic literature, X-rated movies, and many other forms of fleshly indulgences are the order of the day. Perhaps you are thinking, "I don't see anything wrong with these things if I want to do them." Well, allow me to let you in on one big secret, that is: "In the Game of Life, God has written the rule book. We either go by His rules or we pay the consequences." The Bible says" "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting." Galatians 6:7,8. Again Paul wrote: "Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." This is I Corinthians 6:9,10. The he adds: "And such were some of you: but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." I Corinthians 6:11. What kind of builder would you say that you are? Click Your Choice Go To Start: WWW.BIBLE.CA The Family & Material Possessions Most Americans are preoccupied with the getting of material possessions and one of the outstanding hallmarks of our times is the frenzied rush to acquire more and better things. It is now common for newlywed couples to begin their lives together with as many goods as their parents had after 25 years of hard work. This shows that people are fare more prosperous than they were only a few years ago. People today, even those who call themselves poor, possess things that would make the rich and great kings of the past envious. Thus, many of today's poor, (in the western world) are rich by the standards of past human history. (Indeed, most of our country's poor are rich by comparison with the poor of the outside world.) Thus, all of us, whether rich, poor, or in-between, face the question of how material possessions and our regard for them might change our standing with the one, eternal God. Do our strivings for gain bar us from the spiritual blessings of closeness to God and of obedience to His will? Do we trade our eternal salvation for material things in this age when nearly everyone has much and when most strive for even more? The answer to these questions is yes; it is possible, indeed, probable, for we know that our God is a jealous God and wants no other God placed before Him. If we prefer the enjoyment of things ahead of duty to God, we are placing our desires ahead of God. In a sense, then, our goods become our God and receive our time, effort, and worship. We know that this is wrong for we are certain that God is displeased. This is idol worship, a sin about which the Bible speaks often. Also denounced frequently in the Bible is the sin of covetousness, which is the overwhelming desire for material gain. Jesus said in Luke 12:15-31: "take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought to himself saying, what shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This I will do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall these things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God. Therefore, I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what you shall eat; neither for the body, what you shall put on. The life is more than meat and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn: and God feedeth them: How much more are you better than the fowls? And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If you then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take you thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass which is today in the field, and tomorrow is cast into the oven; how much more will He clothe you, 0 you of little faith? And seek not you what you shall eat, or what you shall drink, neither be you of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that you have need of these things. But rather seek you the kingdom of God: and all these things shall be added unto you." With these words Jesus put the problem of desire for material gain in its proper place. Since it is wrong to concern ourselves about need for tomorrow's clothing, shelter and food, it is also wrong to concern ourselves about the getting of plush homes.' clothes, cars, appliances, and the likes. Study briefly the treasures of a museum. Here are the prized possessions of the ancient great. Here are their goods; but where are they who took pride in their ownership? Now let's visit an auction. Here is the house of an old couple who have passed away. We watch as the richly-framed picture of a bearded man in a uniform is sold because someone wanted the frame. The proud collection of records goes for a dollar. The washing machine, new only last year, (and which was her most prized possession) is sold for only a fourth of its value. We see their goods; but, where are they who knew, loved, and appreciated these things? Now, look at your possessions. Consider the stereo, the color TV, the newly re-done kitchen, your tools, the remodeled basement room on which you have worked so hard. Consider when the stereo has been replaced by something better, and when the color TV is worn out, and when the basement walls are mildewed, that the hands that worked so hard to earn and produce them will have become dust. Will that bit of trivia that you just had to have last week (and which sets unused on the shelf) be an object in some future museum where our descendants will marvel (or laugh) at the ancient artifact? And, as they look where will we be? We, too, must go the way of the ancients. They were real, lived, loved, laughed, and wept; just as do we. And, as they went, we must also go. The apostle Paul, writing to the young Timothy (in I Tim. 6:6-10) said, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." The checkered values of our society lead us astray; we value trivia but not that which is important. We pay actors and athletes more than we pay our president: but, our children's teachers and the policemen who protect us are asked to serve at low pay. We seek after gadgets which will wear out in a few weeks or which will fill our garages after they have lost their fascination. We give little thought to our soul until some bodily warning of disease reminds us that our earthly life is not eternal. Jesus, the architect of creation, evaluated our souls as having more worth than all of the earth with all of its treasures, saying in Matt. 16:26, "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" With these scriptures in mind, each of us should seek to place a Godly perspective upon the value of our material possessions relative to the value of our eternal soul. Only by living a life close to God can we find contentment in this life and in our life forever after. And now, upon closing, a short test; answer to yourself the following questions: If I knew that I wouldn't be found out, would, I cheat or lie to make or save a large amount of money? Do I give back to the Lord a just portion of the material blessings He has given me? Would I miss the worship services if by doing so I could earn a substantial amount of money? The grading of this test is between you and your God. Click Your Choice Back to START 12 Principles of wholesome Recreation for a Christian This discussion provides guidelines whereby any recreational activity can be shown to be either an advisable or inadvisable activity for a Christian . The problem is not just to find something to do, but to find suitable recreation in which Christians may engage. Many varied activities are suitable. A list of about 100 different recreational activities, suitable for Christian young people was compiled on a Christian college campus recently. Included were games,, sports, social activities, music, arts, crafts, drama, nature study, linguistic studies, collecting and service activities. Recreation is necessary for a well-balanced life. Mental health authorities say that balanced living includes work, recreation, companionship, and religion. Time and energy should be apportioned to each of these. Many things present themselves invitingly. You must make a decision about them according to your convictions, and Christians should base their convictions upon biblical teaching or principle. The following twelve principles can guide you in everyday living as a Christian: Will this activity violate my conscience? Refer-to the book of Romans 14:22,23. If you offend your conscience because you do something without faith, to you it is sin. Study your Bible to assure yourself that what you do is in accord with God's will. Will my doing it cause others to fail, or stumble, in their faith? See I Corinthians 10:23-33. Though one having strong faith may participate in an activity without offending his own conscience, he must consider the conscience of another who does not have the same knowledge and faith. Do not risk leading a weaker, or younger Christian away from Christ by your example. Can I glorify God in my body while doing it? Reference: I Corinthians 6:19,20. Man's purpose on earth is to glorify God. Christians know that their bodies belong to Christ. Will this put me under evil influence? Read I Thessalonians 5:21,22. You must be constantly on guard so that you are not led into wrong practices by your friends. If you think you have strong enough faith to resist temptation, take heed, lest you fall. Read I Corinthians 10:12. Will it conflict with my duty? Read Matthew 6:33. Put God and his kingdom first. If I do it, will it bring reproach on Christ or His Church? Reference: I Peter 4:14-16. Reproach may fall on you because you are a Christian, but you should never bring reproach upon Christ because you behave hypocritically. Will my efforts at self-control be strengthened or weakened? See I Corinthians 9:27. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit of God which dwells within Christians. See Galatians 5:22-24. Self-control can be learned. It needs to be practiced. Is it work of the flesh? Read Galatians 5:19-21. One may know what is right, but in a moment of temptation, he may fail. The Spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak. Will it arouse the indecent? Philippians 4:8. Reading books and magazines or viewing television and movies, which create indecent desires is contrary to Christianity. Paul said, "Whatsoever things are pure . . . think on these things". Will this weaken my influence as a Christian? I Corinthians 10:33. Never violate your own conscience to please a sinful associate. Is it legal and right? Study Romans 12 and 13. You should respect the rights of others and the law of the land. Do not try to overcome evil with evil. The civil laws are to protect you. Ephesians 6:1-4. There are young and others who are dead who would Does it violate my parent's wishes? Ephesians 6:1-4. There are young people who would still have their health, and others who are dead who would be alive today, had they listened to their parents whom they considered "square". May God bless you in making these principles a part of your life. Click Your Choice Back to START Taking your own Revenge Is NOT So Sweet! In his popular book, None of These Diseases, Dr. S.I. McMillan, entitles one of his chapters, "The High Cost of Getting Even". According to Dr. McMillan, the failure to possess a spirit of forgiveness makes us susceptible to many diseases of body and mind. Because we cannot resist the temptation to get even, we pay the high price of a pound of our own flesh. Toxic goiter, strokes of apoplexy, heart attacks, high blood pressure, ulcers and many other serious ailments afflict millions of people, and often it's a direct result of the inability to forgive. Dr. McMillan states it might truthfully be written on many thousands of death certificates that the victims died of "grudgitis". We have heard people say from between clenched teeth, "I'll get even with that skunk if it's the last thing I ever do". Too often, it is exactly that. When Jesus said, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good unto them that hate you, and pray for, them who despitefully use you and persecute you" Matthew 5:44, he was not giving us impractical, pie in the sky, kind of advice, but sure resources with which to cope with abrasive conflicts. Life is made up of hurts and conflicts, which arise daily in our personal relationships. It is only the unresolved conflicts, the harboring of grudges and resentments, which wreak havoc on spirit and mind and finally upon flesh. Every unresolved conflict produces its own wound. If the scar tissue isn't planted somewhere upon or within the body, then it is hidden inside the heart. C. William Fisher in his book, Don't Park Here, wrote, "One of the most persistent warnings in traffic and in life is the warning of the danger of parking, of resting, of settling down, and yet men go right on parking where they should not." And, of course, they pay the penalty in arrested development, in stunted personalities, in narrowed wisdom, in limited lives. No one ever parks in life without paying a price. We cannot afford to park by attitudes of resentment and hate. If I let myself bear an unresolved conflict against someone, failing to bring that conflict before the alter of God's mercy, then it is inevitable that I shall find myself turning bitter. If I degrade myself to the point where I permit any person to make me hate him then I am blinded, and rendered impotent to forgiveness. The most therapeutic petition in the world, the Lord's Prayer, is clear on this point, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"; or, if we forgive others who trespass against us. In short, God's forgiveness towards us depends on our forgiveneness of others. Have you parked beside an unloving, unforgiving Move on beyond your hurts, adversities, Take a good look at yourself. Have you parked beside an unloving, unforgiving spirit? If you have, move on. Move on beyond your hurts, adversities, tragedies, set-backs. Move on to wholeness and happiness that comes from not being overcome of evil, but overcoming evil with good. The key message of Romans 12:14-21 is that revenge is not so sweet. Click Your Choice Back to START How to Strengthen Your Family! Family life is a system of human relationships designed by God to provide man's needs. In the family, man finds companionship, sexual satisfaction, and learns love, which is an attribute of God himself. It is in the family that children learn to become socialized. No other arrangement has ever been devised as a successful alternative. It is evident that Jesus was serious when he said, "What therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). That which God has provided, ordained, and authorized has always been a focus of attack by the forces of Satan. Today, the family system of life is a major issue in the Devil's warfare against God's design for a fulfilling human relationship. Many couples are asking themselves what is missing in their relationship with one another? Why don't parents really feel close to their children? Why doesn't the family have that warm, close feeling that families should have? Could anything change the situation and bring the joy back into family life? Increasingly, these are the questions being asked by all segments of our society, and for good reasons. For example, there is evidence that negative, unhappy family life is associated with mental health problems and juvenile delinquency. There is a higher incidence of divorce and marital unhappiness among persons who are reared in unhappy families. The challenge of strengthening family life depends upon gaining knowledge about strong, healthy families. We might ask what can we learn from strong, healthy families that can be applied to our own family to strengthen it? Studies have demonstrated that strong families are characterized by five qualities. Number one is the expression of appreciation. William James, one of the greatest psychologists America has ever produced, once wrote a book about human needs. Some years later, he commented that he failed to include the most important need of all - the need to be appreciated. We like to be around people who show us appreciation. Yet, how often we fail to express appreciation to our spouses and children. One study showed that only 20 percent of a family's time was spent in having fun or saying nice things to each other. To change this, a family must begin to look for each other's strengths. Try not to miss an opportunity to give each other a sincere compliment. It is important to let others know, "You are important to me I care about you . . . You have many contributions to offer to the world". An outstanding example of the expression of appreciation is found in the Apostle Paul's letter to the Thessalonians. The first chapter of I Thessalonians is a hymn of praise and thanksgiving for the faith, love and. steadfastness of the Thessalonians. Paul certainly expressed his appreciation for these members of the family of God. Second, an outstanding characteristic of strong families is the great amount of time they spend together. They work and play together. They enjoy being together, even if they are not doing anything in particular. Life today has become very much a "rat race". Family living can be improved by not allowing our lives to become overly fragmented. Strong families intentionally cut down on the number of outside activities and involvement's in order to minimize fragmentation of their family life. When you find yourself becoming so busy that you are not spending time with your family, it is time to look at what you're doing that's taking you away from your family. You may find that some of those involvement's are not so important after all. Try to keep you family "number one" in, terms of how you spend your time. Third, strong families spend a lot of time in family discussion and in talking out problems as they come up. There are quarrels in every family, but by getting things out in the open and talking about them, the problem can usually be identified and the best alternative for resolving the conflict can be chosen. Successful marriage and family relationships are characterized by positive, open channels of communication. It is not just communication perse which contributes to the strength of a family, but communication of a positive nature, marked by a frequent expression of appreciation toward each other. The fourth characteristic of a strong family is a high degree of religious orientation. In addition to attending church as a family, the members pray together and read the Bible and other inspirational books together. The role that religion plays in strengthening families is much more than simply participating in religious activities. It is the knowledge that God is with you every day and is directing your life. Knowing God cares, is the greatest friend you have, and has a purpose for your life is a great comfort. The awareness of God's love makes the family more tolerant and forgiving. Christianity emphasizes values such as commitment, respect, and responsibilities for the needs and welfare of others. These values contribute to good interpersonal and family relationships. Commitment is the fifth quality of a strong family. A strong family is committed to helping and making each other happy. Their actions are geared toward promoting each other's welfare. Time and energy are invested in the family. Individual goals are frequently sacrificed for the welfare of the family. An action formula for strengthening your family can be summarized in these five steps: 1. Develop the art of expressing sincere appreciation to your spouse and children. Concentrate on their individual strengths. 2. Arrange to spend more time with your family. Plan more family activities that all find enjoyable. Learn to say "no" to outside demands which aren't really that important anyway. 3. Open the communication channels. Take time to talk with each other often and be a good listener. 4. Explore ways that spiritual strength might be added to your family life. Participating in church activities as a family, reading religious materials and family devotionals are only a few of the ways this might be accomplished. 5. Build a high degree of commitment toward your family. Make family life your number one priority. Invest your time and energy into the relationships with your spouse and children. The result can, and will be a stronger, more fulfilling family life. Click Your Choice Go To Start: WWW.BIBLE.CA Is your home built with Bible Blueprints? A construction crew was handed a set of blueprints for a house and told to build the structure exactly as drawn. Upon finishing, the crew stood back to admire their work. It was a "dream house," being well designed and spacious. However they soon discovered a serious problem. None of the utilities has been built in. "How could this have happened?" the foreman inquired. After careful examination of the blueprints, it was discovered that the architect had forgot to draw the utility blueprint. Everything the architect had drawn was perfect and without flaw, but he provided an incomplete set of blueprints for the builders. Now in our parable, God is the architect of the church and we are the builders. God has provided man with a set of blueprints... the Holy Bible. (Heb 8:5 & 1 Cor 3:10-11) They are the pattern of doctrine and worship for the church. But are the blueprints complete? Did God provide a complete set of blueprints or are we left to guess? Is the Bible complete enough to be considered an all sufficient guide? Jesus made this promise to the apostles in Jn 16:13, "But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth". The apostles were inspired directly by the Holy Spirit and thus we have all the truth in the New Testament. This fulfills the very promise that Jesus made to them. Isn't it great to know that we have a permanent written unchangeable record of all the truth in the pages of the Bible. The last book of the Bible to be written was Revelation in about 96 AD. Since that time nothing has been added to the Bible. The Bible then became a complete set of blueprints for man to build the church and home from. Although many modern skeptics are constantly attacking the Bible as God's word, Christians are told to "contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints" Jude 3. Notice the expression, "delivered once for all". This proves that the Bible is indeed a book that contains all the information that God intended for man to know. God is not constantly adding to His message down through the ages. It was "delivered once for all" and we have a permanent record of "all the truth" in the Bible. Is your home built with Bible blueprints? Do you pattern your lifestyle and family after the Bible? If not, you might wake up one morning and realize that something when very wrong when you were building and now it is too late to go back. Your problem, like in our story, requires major expensive renovations. The Bible is God's guide to man on how to live and worship. "God's divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness" 2 Pet 1:3. "Everything" means nothing has been left out that we need to build our homes. Click Your Choice Go To Start: WWW.BIBLE.CA