TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HUSBANDS

Ten commandments for husbands and Wives Click to View For long version outline of 10 commandments for husbands click here For long version outline of 10 commandments for wives click here Ten Commandments Of A Successful Marriage Judge Joseph Sabbath, after twenty year's experience in presiding over what he called "the nightmare world of the divorce courts," framed ten commandments of a successful marriage which, he predicted, could prevent at least ninety percent of marital smashups: Bear and forbear. Work together, play together, and grow up together. Avoid the little quarrels, and the big ones will take care of themselves. Compromise (give and take). It is the antitoxin of divorce. Practice sympathy, good humor, and mutual understanding. Don't grouch before breakfast or after it. Respect your "in-laws," but don't criticize them or take criticism from them. Establish your own home, even in a one room flat. Fight for each other, but not with each other. Build your home on religious faith, with love and forgiveness as the watchword. Ten commandments for husbands Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7) Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24) Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11) Thou shalt hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it. (Sos 5:10-16) Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife's help. (Eph 6:4) Remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37) Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8) Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife's point of view. (Gen 21:12) Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (Sos 8:1) Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3) For long version outline of 10 commandments for husbands click here Click to View Ten commandments for wives Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1) Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about "the one that could have been". (Prov 14:1) Thou shalt not nag...hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19) Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5) Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14) Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4) Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9) Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11) Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33) Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16) For long version outline of 10 commandments for wives click here Click to View Go To Start: WWW.BIBLE.CA Ten commandments for husbands Click to View Go to long version outline of 10 commandments for wifes INTRO: The Bible is God's "instruction manual" for happy human living. There is no other book on earth that will bring about inner peace and eternal life. One thing that most men have in common is that they are married. Unfortunately, because we live in an "amoral" (morally neutral) society, most who enter into marriage have little training. Isn't it bizarre that a doctor trains for 7 years, a teacher 4 but there is virtually no training for becoming a husband. You can't take a course in university that certifies you as a husband...the closest you can come is a "bachelors" degree. Here are 10 principles for husbands that are found within the Bible. Click to View COMMANDMENT #1: Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7) Husband, are you treating your wife as an equal and granting her your highest honor? If not God says he will not answer your prayers! Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain." Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife's judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her. Dysfunctional Headship Proper Headship The world's way God's way Gives orders without asking or permitting questions, thinks wife not as smart Asks questions, seeks to truly hear, suggests alternatives, desires imput-learns from others Makes demands, dishes out directives, lays down the law, cracks the whip-but doesn't delegate Deligates authority & responsability; Respects freedom & dignity of others, keeps reigns loose Insecure in personal identity and authority and is therefore defensive if challenged Secure in self-identity, understands his authority, views challenging as positive Requires compliance regardless of consent or agreement Values willing cooperation, works for open agreement and understanding Pushes and manipulates, one man rules in a ridged over-under position Leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships in side-by-side identification Says, "You do, you must do", or "Yours is not to wonder why, yours is but to do or die"! Says, "Come, let's do, we might have done, can we try" Depends on external authority to motivate others Depends on internal integrity to motivate others Generates friction, resistance, resentment, separates and isolates people Generates acceptance, co-operation, reconciliation, unites and helps persons relate to each other Leads by command and threat Leads by example, understanding and kindness Asks others to do things he would not Asks others to do only those things he has already done (like Jesus) Click to View COMMANDMENT #2: Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24) How often does the husband honor his blood family over his own wife? Such is a recipe for disaster! In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife. Click to View COMMANDMENT #3: Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11) Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain." Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife's judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her. God gave women the authority to make important decisions too: They are workers in and managers of the home: 1 Ti 5:14: (Greek: oijkodespotevw "to rule/manage the house") Tit 2:5 (Greek: oikodespotes literally, "house ruler") A wife's judgment can be better than her husbands: Nabal & Abigail: 1 Sam 25:3,17,25,32 Sleepless in Seattle (movie) Radio commentator asks man who was missing his dead wife, "Tell me about your wife". "How many hours do you have?" Immediately 3000 single women jammed the radio station switchboard trying to get his number for a date! Why Because he was sincerely praising his wife! Why did they want to date a complete stranger? Because the one thing they knew was that this man possessed the rare quality of praising his female companion. If he did it for his former wife...he would do it for them! Judith Viorst: "Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not when someone's saying "I love you.,' When someone's saying "I love you," he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? Favourable comparisons with all other women he ever loved are also welcome. And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways in which he loves you, let him start counting." ­ Redbook Click to View COMMANDMENT #4: Thou shalt hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it. (SOS 5:10-16) Men persue their future bride with doting ceaseless attention. Once married the husband views marriage as a goal accomplished an on to other of life's challenges. He then gives his ceaseless doting attention to the job, the boys or anything but his wife. She on the other hand viewed marriage not as a goal met, but as the beginning of a relationship. She viewed his doting attention as a down payment of attentions to come. He viewed it as a means to merely get her to say "I DO". This guy really WON the love of his future wife. He looked good because he groomed his appearance for her. He smelled good, because he regularly bathed and gargled. And he spoke words of "sweetness" to his love. But give many husbands a few years of marriage and they let their appearance and hygiene slip. But worst of all the sweetness towards their wife is gone. The wife proclaims to her friends, "Did he ever change after we said 'I do'!" Guys, if you want the nights to be hot, you best start warming up your wife in the day with words of kindness. Buy your wife flowers on a regular basis. Click to View COMMANDMENT #5: Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife's help. (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9) Few would argue that the wife is the primary parent involved in the daily task of interacting with the children. But God has placed the father as the head of the household and that means that you must work hard along side of your wife in establishing family discipline. Many fathers leave the majority of the work of raising the kids up to the wife. In child custody cases, the mother almost always get control of the kids, not because she is a better parent, but because she is the one who has been most involved with them. God commands fathers in Ephesians 6:4 "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." You must be directly involved with your children. And then be careful not to "provoke" them to anger, because you have not really taken the time to understand exactly what happened and why. Some fathers alienate their children because they hastily dish out too harsh a punishment because they want to get back to their TV show or reading the paper. To these husbands, children are an interruption imposed upon him by the wife. Sad indeed. Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22:6 POEM: "PLEASE, DADDY, WON'T YOU GO?" A little girl's bright shining eyes with face aglow, Says: "Daddy, It's time for church-Let's Go! They teach us there of Jesus' love, of how he died for all, Upon the cruel cross to save those who on Him will call." "Oh, no," said Daddy, "Not today. I've worked hard all week, And I must have one day of rest; and I'm going to the creek. For there I can relax and rest; and fishing is fine they say. So run along; don't bother me, we'll go to church some day." Well months and years have passed away, but Daddy hears that plea no more; "Let's go to Bible school." Those childhood days are over. And Daddy's grown old, life's almost through, He finds time to go to church, but what does daughter do? She says: "Oh Daddy, not today-I stayed up half the night; I know you know that church can wait...you understand my plight! Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand to brush away the tears, As again he hears the pleading voice, distinctly through the years. He sees a small girl's shining face upturned, with eyes aglow, As she says, "It's time for Bible school; please, Daddy, won't you go?" (Author Unknown) Click to View COMMANDMENT #6: Thou shalt remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37) Jesus instructs all Christians, "let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no' and anything beyond these is of evil." Mt 5:37. Husbands, when you say you will do something for your wife, have the consideration to do it! Why should she justifiably nag you? Your wife shouldn't have to get you to sign some binding oath to get you to make the bed, take out the garbage or take her out to dinner as you agreed. By doing what you say you will, you earn her trust in other areas. Ever wonder why your wife reacts is a funny way? Wife's Reaction Husband's Action When the wife feels insecure. The husband is not being a spiritual leader. When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role. The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse. When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband. The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children. When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures. The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys. When the wife feels inferior and jealous. The husband praises or admires other women. When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband. The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship. When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband. The husband doesn't praise her for specific things. When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings. The husband doesn't make the time to listen to his wife. When the wife feels unprotected. The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces. When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband's physical needs. The husband has been lusting after other women. When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness. Click to View COMMANDMENT #7: Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8) The Proverbs writer says it this way, "Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well... Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love." Prov 5:15-20 The ultimate sacrifice that a woman makes in child bearing is her figure. And the media is filled with 17 year old models who are not yet graduated high school and never done a hard days work in their life! Job was wise when he said, "I Have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?" Job 31:1 But we find that for many, the words of Jeremiah apply, "They were well-fed lusty horses, Each one neighing after his neighbor's wife." Jer 5:8 Click to View COMMANDMENT #8: Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife's point of view. (Gen 21:12) Abraham is a man whose wife actually called him "lord". Sarah had an insight on a personal family matter and Abraham felt that she was wrong. "But God said to Abraham, "Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her" Gen 21:12. Did you catch that? God told Abraham to obey his wife! He had not taken the time to see things from her point of view. Husbands and wives often live and think in different worlds. A wise husband will "listen" to his wife before God steps in and forces him to. Foolish husbands are arrogant "power-trippers" who know it all, refuse to listen to their wife and fall flat on their face. "Live with her in an understanding way since she is a woman" 1 Pe 3:7 Click to View COMMANDMENT #9: Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (SOS 8:1) Do you know why the "kiss and ride" commuter drop off area's are so popular? Just ask the wives who drop off their husbands for work. A recent TV program documented that the wives loved it. Here they had a "legitimate" reason to expect a kiss from their husband. Husband, when you leave the house for work, give her a kiss. When you come home, tell her you love her and give her another kiss. Here, in the Song of Solomon, a future wife speaks of her love and desire for a kiss. "If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either." Sos 8:1 Click to View COMMANDMENT #10: Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3) King Ahasuerus was married to Queen Esther. Look how generous he was with his wife! He said to her, "What is troubling you, Queen Esther? And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it will be given to you." Esther 5:3 Now in modern marriage law, many might wonder why this man is being praised for giving his wife the half that already belonged to her. However, back then this was an incredible offer of generosity! How many wives have to grovel and beg for a few dollars while he lavishly spends on himself. Go to long version outline of 10 commandments for wifes Click Your Choice The Husband's Responsibility to his Wife & the Bible! The position of the husband in the home and his related responsibilities are quite clearly defined in principle in Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal.1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh". It is impossible to completely deal with the responsibilities of the husband in such a short article. I am going to ask you to make some notations of scriptures and then read them at a later time. Let us start with some scriptures that deal with the husband as head of the house. Genesis 3:16, says in part "her desire shall be to man". Then Eph. 5:23, "husband is head of the wife"; then I Tim. 2:11-12, "She shall have no dominion over a man". Now don't stop at these verses and think that the only responsibility of the husband is to be HEAD of the house. By the way, head does not mean master as in a master-slave relationship, nor does it mean a relationship like a general to a private in the army. It is more like a partnership where one is the leader, guide, director. Now consider this. Can you think of any decision that a husband should make WITHOUT consulting or considering his wife and her wishes? I cannot! Now let us consider some other responsibilities. The husband is to love his wife above all other human beings. Consider Eph. 5:25 and 28; and Col. 3:19. These passages teach that the husband is to be considerate and tender. The verses in Ephesians 5 teach that the husband is to cherish his wife. This means that she is to be treated with tenderness and affection. This would mean that since love must be fed, there is to be a warm demonstrative love relationship. The husband has the responsibility of not only demonstrating his love and concern, but telling her. He should not sit in such self-absorption that he does not talk with her and communicate with her socially, mentally, verbally and physically. The husband will demonstrate his love for his wife in other ways, rather than just at the time of sexual relationship. If this is the only time that affection and consideration is shown, then a wife will get the idea that all a husband is interested in is her body and that she is merely a sex object. I Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife. She gave up her name to take yours. Honor means that you should show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and emotional support. Be sure that as her husband that you do not hold her up to ridicule in public by the cutting remarks that you make. She wears YOUR name and is to viewed as part of your body. She is not perfect and you are aware of this. Do not expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, "forbear one another". This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior - are ways by which you can exhibit forbearance. Paul presents another responsibility of husbands in I Timothy 5:8 - "But if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel". Marriage is a financial venture and the husband has a responsibility to finance or support or provide for his family. This is talking about money. As a husband, your earnings are not your own but belong to your wife as well and your children. Another responsibility of the husband is to be active in the area of the discipline and rearing of the children. When the Apostle Paul was giving the qualifications for elders and deacons, he included this statement that is certainly applicable to all men: I Timothy 3:3-5, and he speaks of ruling your own house. Now this discipline should be with love. Many times discipline is administered without love. The Book says in Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers provoke not your children to wrath", and again in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged". The husband therefore does not leave all the discipline up to his wife, but shares in the molding and direction of your children. It is not a proper division of responsibility to say that as the husband I will provide the living and the wife is to take care of the house and children. The husband has duties even after his days work is done by which lie is earning a living to support his family. The Christian father should set an example for his family as he earns a living, directs the household with concern for each member, and as he fulfills his role as head of the house. He should see to their spiritual development by the life he lives and the direction in which he leads his family. Your wife is a part of your body - you are a part of each other. For this reason Paul said, "Love your wife". He didn't say, if you want to. As you love her, you love yourself and are fulfilling the role that the Lord wanted you to have. Click Your Choice Back to START Husband! Are you Taking your Wife for granted??? In the early hours of man's existence, God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make for him an helpmeet for him" Genesis 2:18. The beautiful garden would not have been a paradise without Eve. What a lonely existence man would have had without woman. Man has need for companionship, affection, empathy, procreation. It is not good that man should be alone. Naturally, this applies to woman, too. Home is one of the sweetest and fondest words enshrined in human affections. Woman's greatest joy can come in making a happy home for her husband and children. It is very difficult to overestimate the worth of a good woman. Solomon recognized the virtues of a good woman and man's inability to get along without them. He said, "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies, the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land" Proverbs 31:10-31. In Proverbs we also find such statements as "he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord" Proverbs 18:22. And "house and riches are the inheritance of fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord" Proverbs 19:14. We should not cease in the giving of thanks to the Lord if we have found a prudent wife. How fortunate we are if we have mutual love and companionship in our homes. If we do not have such a home, may God help us to achieve one. The Bible says love is as strong as death. Jealousy is cruel as the grave. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. (Solomon 8:6-7). Solomon also said live joyfully with thy wife, whom thou lovest, all the days of the life of thy vanity (Ecclesiastes 9:9). If the home is not a happy place, someone has failed. Peter gave us instructions on how to live together harmoniously. He said, "Husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of live, that your prayers be not hindered" II Peter 3:7. She is not weaker in character and intellect, but she is weaker physically and man must understand her needs and limitations. He must also be aware of her ability to help him. He must also use his abilities in helping her. Wise men show an interest when their wives speak up, and weigh their wisdom, for many times their wisdom out-weighs that of their mates. Sometimes we rob ourselves of the happiness our heavenly father intended for us because we have not learned to enjoy the companionship of our Godly mates. Pitiful is the man or woman who exploits his mate and reveals secrets that should be kept between themselves. It is unbecoming and certainly not Christ like to downgrade the opposite sex in story telling and off-color jokes. We are God's creation. Each with a specific purpose and work. We're not in competition, and the Christian woman is not seeking a false liberation, but is happy and fulfilled in the role that God gave her. Many of our frustrations are mental as well as physical ills, brought upon us by a lack of love and companionship in the home. Our greatest joy should come to us through our working together as husband and wife, and praying together with common interests and common goals. God has given us laws for our well-being, for God knows much better than we the things that are good for us and the things that make us happy (Matthew 6:8; Ephesians 5:25). Although you may deeply appreciate your wife, it can mean so much to the both of you if you will take the time to let her know it. Tell her how you feel and show her in a thousand little ways. It can mean so much. It is unfair and unchristian to take her for granted. Married people owe each other more than just a home, food and clothing. Your time, your attention and your interests are also extremely important in maintaining a happy relationship. Why not set aside a night each week for just the two of you to be together, away from family, friends and responsibilities. Go out for dinner or, if finances are a problem, just for a walk. Leave all your other responsibilities at home and don't even allow them to be mentioned. Believe it or not, the world will still be turning when you get back, and the happiness that such times will bring to both of you will be well worth the effort. Click Your Choice Back to START